... Easter at the alfred

so i ended up having Easter at the alfred hospital.

my stay feels like it was a procession of staff taking my blood pressure, adjusting my drip, not sleeping fantastically well, thoroughly enjoying the hospital mashed potato, waiting to leave. i enjoy hospital mashed potato but that's really all i like about being in hospital.

i spent a lot of time listening to stuff on my phone, either youtube or podcasts or radio of some kind, reading the one book i had in my bag when i'd been admitted that morning, or doing sudoku from a book that friends from church brought when they visited.

at the end of all that, however, i spent a lot of time thinking about what i've been doing with my life. up until now i've been content - largely - with living a quiet life, working a job i enjoy (or enjoying the job i work, which is mostly the same thing), keeping involved in youth ministry and Bible study groups ministry at church.

in the last ten years i've been blessed to see my sister get married and i now also have a niece and nephew that i'm able to dote on in similar ways to how my sister and i were treated by our aunts and uncles. when i'm lucky, i get to babysit them. they get a lot of books from me; yes, i work in a bookshop but anyone who knows me knows that i'd probably be getting them books anyway.

i've also had the terrible burden of seeing my mother deal with the aftermath of a stroke that left her without the use of her left arm or leg, along with other linked internal issues. after seeing her dealing with a cardiac double-bypass over thirty years ago and seeing my father die from cancer over twenty years ago, i've been waiting for a shoe like this to drop for some time. not because i think i'm particularly unhealthy - i think i'm about as unhealthy as the next guy - it's just that the average australian male in my age bracket is, not to put too fine a point on it, a bit unhealthy.

no, i've been waiting for this because i'm naturally a pessimist. i've become an optimist by demeanour but i am a pessimist by nature. it gives me a healthy appreciation for the grace shown me in Christ and an ongoing distrust of my own self-righteousness.

so after my time in hospital and my time since, i've been asking myself, "what do i do now?"